Deaf in one Ear

I have rarely found any kind of article what so ever on people being deaf in one ear.

 So as far as I can tell I was born deaf in my right ear. I don't know any different, so I can't say this is a good thing because it has been a curse at times, and somewhat good. By good I mean its easy to have selective hearing if someone isn't standing to close. Plus there is plenty of funny things that have happened over the years.

I remember I had to be at least 3 maybe 4 and that was way back in 1994. We went into a doctors and they put me inside a room with some headphones on, and buttons, oh the buttons. I remember always lifting my head to the left side to hear things. I can go through a lot of pictures when I was younger and most of them my head is tilted to one side. Of course just now when I was looking through pictures on my Facebook I wasn't able to see any lol. I can also remember my grandma always putting the phone up to my right ear and I would always move it to the left. Then I barely remember all the things they did, whisper in the right side, try talking to me on the right side to see if i noticed. Just a few different things. I remember when I would talk to people in school, They would come to me on the right side and I would nod my head a lot and pretend like I heard what they said or yea, that is a word i used a lot. I remember this boy I liked, he asked if I hated him joking around and I said yeah all serious like. I feel dumb about some stuff like that now. Or when people are trying to spell something S often sounds like F. Think sounds like drink sometimes. Then you've got the nasty people that make fun of your hearing problems. I once had a person ask me if I was stupid or something. I can vouch in my favor that he had an accent and when there is a lot of back ground sound going its hard to block out on one or the other. And to top it off and as funny as it sounds, I cannot hardly ever tell where a sound is coming from. Its almost like a person is invisible and running around with the sound. My phone for example, I lost it in the couch a few weeks ago, I called it repeatedly as I walked around the entire house trying to find it. It is strange that I cannot pin point an area of the sound.

I hate driving though! I had a few friends that would constantly have the music up in my car. The sad thing was it wasn't even that loud. But when the sound of music is mixing with someone trying to talk I have to look over and read the lips and try to fill in the gabs of what words were just said. I have also repeated myself and asked what?, sorry what was that?, and huh? lol. And on to the selective hearing. I have to laugh at myself for this one. Sometimes I have purposely ignored people. Or if I am in a crowded place I have been blamed for just ignoring people, When that is not the case at all. So I do apologize if anyone reading this has thought I was ignoring them.

To top all of this off, I do have to thank plenty of people for all they for me. I had called my mom today to find out if i'm 90% deaf in my right ear because that is all i've ever thought was about 80-90%. And she tells me that I am 100% completely deaf in my ear. I quickly ended the call just telling her I had to go. Locked my work door and went into the bathroom and cried. I suppose I have gotten my hopes high on being able to hear. and just seeing how it feels to have surround sound, even though I don't have any clue what that is. I need to not get my hopes all up. But also I just keep hoping that when I was 3 and getting those tests that I just wasn't paying attention. If I was like any of the three year olds i've seen, they don't have a very long attention span, and I am hoping that I just pushed buttons and what not acting like I knew what was going on. I have a hearing test on Thursday. I am nervous and don't want to be alone. I know that If I am alone and the doctor tells me that there is nothing they can do, Or that I will need some thousands and thousands of dollar surgery. I just don't know if I could handle that. It scares me that Everything I have been hoping for, for the last oh 15 years isn't completely gone. I know it is better for me to know that now rather than later, and by later I mean less than a week. I made an appointment yesterday and I swear that is the only thing I can think about. I think I get more frustrated at myself because I can't fill in what I didn't hear.